Dear Loud Guy on the Evening Train:
You may be surprised to hear this, but I do not care about your hamstring. I do not care about the route you take to go jogging, nor do I care that your son runs the mile in under 5 minutes for his high school track team.
I don't really care that you ran for the first time in two months the other day, and that your knee is holding up fine. I do care about, say, Corey Dillon's knee. You are not Corey Dillon, thus my small level of caring. By small I mean non-existent.
I have no opinion on the relative merits of this running shoe over that one, and I do think that it's gross that folks wear those digital watches with the bands made out of sweatband material to work. I do not need the smell of your dried juices in my meeting, or, for that matter, on my train.
You may ask yourself how I know all this stuff, as I was listening to my MP3 player while you were chatting with your fellow-runner friend. (Oh, yes, congratulations on your first 10K, Loud Guy's friend.) Well, sir, you are loud. Very loud. And you speak in this smarmy business-meeting presentation way that is unavoidable. Even over the first movement of Beethoven's Fifth. A beautiful piece of music which you utterly ruined with your loud, loud, loud, and very loud, discourse on the merits of running.
Look at me. Do I look like I care about running? No. I do not.
I have ridiculous and annoying hobbies as well. Blogging. Madden 2004 football. Republican politics. You will note, however, that I do not hold forth at great lengths in unavoidable volumes about any of these habits on our nightly train ride. They are my hobbies, and I do not presume that they would hold the interest of anyone else on the train.
I know you think you were just talking to you friend, Mr. Loud Guy. I regret to tell you thought that the same voice that can bore-to-tears 200 junior executives with a discourse on the ROI of the company's real estate portfolio last quarter is quite sufficient enough to illuminate an entire train car.
In closing I would like to ask one small favor of you in the future: shut up.
Thank you in advance for your cooperation.
Sincerely,
Kal Jones.
(PS - New Video up over at The Garage)
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3 comments:
Amen, Kal!! Your fellow member of Commuters United for Quiet!
Amen and include elevator rides as well please
And hospital cafeterias, too! It's bad enough you have to be at a hospital for some reason, and eating hospital food, without hearing someone at the next table going on and on about their colonoscopy!
You do great public service, Kal.
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